Stuck on a Virtual Pedestal

The last time you laughed at that average Jane, you were doodling her embarrassed face because she could not get right Basic English . Then you poked your seatmate and passed him the note containing a list of all her grammar and spelling errors. The professor had no idea you were so damn wicked because you were the most intelligent kid in town – a role model for everyone to look up to. You were so great.

As you moved to college, you saw how great others’ potentials could become. Those who used to sit at the back corner now stood in front of the class as trusted leaders. You were still one of the top students but now the game got tougher. The small room was getting more suffocating – you grew selfish about your claimed throne and you did not welcome the idea of a friendly competition.

After counting several more years, what pride could flying colors not bring to the clan? As your name rang around the glorious hall, you found yourself marching towards that little piece of gold-plated metal – all chin up. Congratulations! You were now officially a degree holder. You submitted yourself to the applause dedicated especially for you. You were happy celebrating your victory as a graduate with honor, weren’t you?

It was summer break and finally you got reunited with your bedroom. You forgot the last time you shared a good night’s sleep with your stuffed toys. Now you got the chance, you decided to savor every moment with peace of mind. When was the last time you dived in your warm cozy blanket? You did not remember for sure because you were so busy worrying about endless academic requirements which you did not sincerely appreciate. What you knew was that it was time to fill that gap. And for some moments in time, you succeeded.

As went by, you noticed something odd about your new lifestyle. For fifteen years, you were trained doing exhausting school works and painstaking researches that you did not actually care about. After all, you were just after high grades. That was your concept of education. It was how you were molded to perceive it. Thus, this new particular feeling of extreme comfort and mental idleness extremely bothered you.

Suddenly, you got up your bed and grabbed your old journal. Your feet led you to the kitchen for a sandwich and brewed coffee. Then, you cleaned the desk and set up your laptop.

Unfortunately, twenty minutes had past and you were still staring at the monitor. You tried to type random things onto the blank document but erased it afterwards because nothing made sense. This was not just another writer’s block – this was total psychological block. You ran out of snack and sipped the last coffee; perhaps, that was the only progress you have made so far. Meanwhile, you decided to sketch random faces in your journal. It turned out to be a fine lady whose empty gray eyes were staring back at you.

Since giving up has been your best option for most bad case scenarios, you finally decided to just go back to day dreaming. At least, there, you reasoned that you could time travel to the future or even create a brand new dimension as your imagination pleased – without even actually doing anything. As you were about to close your laptop, a familiar quote from a renowned genius struck you big time:

“If the highest aim of a captain were to preserve his ship, he would keep it in port forever.”

– Thomas Aquinas


Staring at the blank paper one more time, you burst out in laughter. Ashamed of yourself, you remembered that average Jane and everyone whom you considered  mediocre before and how they developed into something greater now – way above you. You were so overwhelmed being the big fish in the small pond: You forgot to aim to grow further. Suddenly, there was a teardrop on the keyboard; it absorbed it like a dry land craving some rain. You knew there was no way you can escape a self-confrontation. You realized this time you just got to grow for real, not for some deceiving physical trophies but for yourself.

You were not so good at translating your emotions into words. Yet, you just told your whole story.


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